It’s the little bubbles of nothing that made it really something
In an effort to further the understanding of general public, or mindless peasants, as I prefer to call them, I am continuing this series of enlightening articles. I do this in spite of the fact I truly believe no one is currently smart enough to understand them. I am however an eternal optimist and I think perhaps one of you carbon-based cretins might make a gigantic a evolutionary leap forward in the meantime, so I’ll continue just in case.
In an effort to increase your grasp of previously mentioned topics (string theory and the mystery of the nouns) I will explain the concept of STUC. STUC is short for Spouting Total and Utter Crap. This is a useful tool that has come out of the school of post-post modernist thought. While a post modernist denies the concept of absolute truth, a post-post modernist denies the falsehood of lies. Taking this concept to its natural conclusion you realise that any crap you make up is in fact true. If you don’t understand this be thankful because successful comprehension of this concept usually results in a severe brain haemorrhage and really smelly armpits. With all this in mind we will tackle the mystery of the nouns.
Okay the basic philosophical conundrum is this “Why should anything exist?” this is the mystery of the nouns. I spent a couple of seconds this morning pondering this question while obsessively pacing back and forth in my backyard (in a departure from my normal routine this time I wasn’t chained to the Hills Hoist). With the help of the STUC technique I came up with this rather pretentious answer:
“Things exist because existence is eternal and nothingness is ephemeral. Existence in its purest form is nothingness. Nothingness is defined by the fact that it can’t be defined, at least not by the clumsy symbolic thought of primates. Nothingness is neither big or small, black nor white, funny nor humourless, legless nor sober etc. Due to this lack of definition the possibilities for nothingness is infinite. When there is a possibility of something happening in a realm with no restrictions (nothingness by its own non-definition has no restrictive rules) the probability that it will happen is 100%. During its infinitely short “existence” nothingness realises it cannot possibly exist. Nothingness, it a fit of self-contrary rage, then usurps itself by causing things to pop into existence at random.”
Happy with this theory I then proceeded to affectionately stroke the friendly Wandering Albatross that suddenly materialised upon my lawn.
Now you know how the universe (in actuality the multiverse, but that’s a subject for a another time) came into being we can finally get into the nitty gritty of understanding it. To understand the universe it is necessary to point out the various going-ons that you may not be fully aware of. It amazes me how little people notice of the world around them, such as the extremely long string tied to their big toe for example. This multitude of oversights will be partially remedied in the next article: Understanding the Universe Part 4: The Secret Life of the Universe.