that issue which concerns us all
Hello sentient lifeforms.
I'd like to talk to you today about an issue that concerns us all. It surrounds us constantly. It steals our cats and makes mince meat of our octopodes. It makes a mockery of our belief systems and angers our grandparents. It tap dances naked in our frontyards and chucks browneyes at the neighbours. It is almost, but not quite, exactly what it almost always isn't - but not precisely. That is to say, in manner of speaking, that it is not strickly speakly a thing at all - or possibly it is. The facts as they are, or rather aren't, are hard to ascertain at this point - except for that one. The question is what can we do to stop it?
After careful consideration and a couple of pints of LSD I have come to this conclusion. And the conclusion is this; it is that which I am about to tell you shortly. In almost no time at all. Right now in fact. Not a moment later. And it is this: err, I've forgotten, but no matter I'm sure it wasn't important. Remember it well.
So in conclusion by careful application of the principles I have entirely neglected to explain this travesty can be avoided almost incompletely 99.4% of the time. Keep this in mind and your life will be devoid of all worries caused by this issue.
Thankyou for your concern concerning this phenomenon.
Yours truly dishonestly and with almost no conviction at all (except for that incident in the 70's that they could never prove conclusively involving that old slapper in the coffee shop who was asking for it anyway),
Not me. Me being Toblerone J. Aardvark - who isn't him either.